life:: my house is a vampire

…and I have named it Boris.

Boris is sucking the life out of us.

We were saving money for a 2nd honeymoon to the Bahamas this year.

Boris got jealous.

Boris sucked the savings right out of our bank account laughing and saying, ” No freakin way bitches, you are not leaving me.”

But Boris…baby…it would have only been for a week.  I wanted sand and surf, and daquiris on the terrace looking at a sunset framed by palm trees.  I wasn’t asking too much of you sweetheart…just one little week and I promise I would have come back…

When you buy a house, it should really come with the disclaimer that every 10 years everything that can break, WILL.  And it will cost you.  DEARLY.

In the past 2 months we have made too many repairs and replaced too many necessities to list.  It would be a boring list anyway.  I’ll save that for my OCD list of “home improvements & repairs” that I keep in my day planner.

The most recent bank-account-sucking stunt that Boris pulled was trying to set my house on fire using the microwave as kindling.

~the weapon of choice according to Boris~

Thankfully my son is quick on his feet because he turned off the breaker before it melted his brain.  The stupid thing wouldn’t turn off and it was throwing sparks.  Yikes!  He was home alone and the last thing I always tell him when I leave is I love you and please do not burn my house down.  Mission accomplished.

~the new and improved nuker~

That was a 9 hour project from purchase to clock setting.  Ugh – what a waste of a Saturday.  Did you know that even if you buy the same brand, and the same model, but 10 years newer that they will move the placement of all the anchor bolts and even the electrical cord?  That means drilling all new holes while laying upside-down across a tiny kitchen counter and a stove top.  Oh, and not to mention you have to use a hole saw through a double thickness of solid oak.  Oh, and also that you need to stop halfway through to remeasure because you forgot to take into account the wonky way your house was built.  In our defense, the directions in English were missing from the box.  Good thing our son is taking a Spanish class right now.

Yup, total waste of a Saturday.

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madly, passionately in love with yarn

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